SHER LOCK nail art

Well... I Had FUN!

☺

- SHER-LOCK -

♔

 Dear 
 Jim 
 Please 

 Will 

 You 

 Fix 

 It 

 For 

 Me 

 ? 

I AM S H E R LOCKED

  I BELIEVE IN SHERLOCK HOLMES!!!

Because A Regular Palace Isn't Good Enough.

Sherlock's Mind Palace

"His WUT? ... did he say his mind PALACE. He said it's a palace." -Dr.S.

"Could be anything." -JW

(I think it's John, His mind palace is like a giant Doctor Who Tesalecta of John. and he miniturizes himself and runs around inside of John flinging open closets and slamming doors. cause lord knows John has ALOT of 'closet' opening to do, and I'm sure John makes a very good Palace for Sherlock cause there are probably PLENTY of bare rooms for Sherlock to store his 'mind palace-y' stuff.... )

"Dear god. What is it like in your funny little brains. It must be so boring."

"Is it nice not being me? Must be so relaxing..."

-SH

The Madness In Sanity

IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII think I just lost it.... (but that's okay, it was fun!)


While chatting on facebook with a friend:

(friend:) im free tomorrow. and sweety, MY work schedule is different than eeeeeeeeeeeveryones!


(Me:) -each line is a separately entered line of chat text.-
yeah, good point. X)
and tomorrow.....
saturday.. yes. kay. that should be fine.
I had to check what day tomorrow was... my days become a blur.... actually... the hours do too....
notice how I'm so talkative.... i haven't slept yet....
probably should do that....
but, alas! no rest for the cramming fangirl
I have to finish about 24 SEASONS of star trek to see and understand the new movie when it comes out in 2 ish months....
i'm kind of thinking it's humanly impossible.....
BUT! like Walter Bishop said, from the TV series Fringe.... (which is another sci-fi) "When you open your mind to the IMPOSSIBLE, sometimes there you will find the TRUTH."
(Friend randomly logs off without warning)
aaaaaand I'm just talking to myself now aren't I.
Well, how are you Adena? Isn't this a lovely day we are having!
"well Donna, It is but those birds outside are rather annoying at the moment."
yes, but Adena, if you listen a bit closer you can also hear crows! those are your favorite!
"ah yes, you are right Donna. I do hear them.... reminds me of a story I'm writing.... about this guy who's followed by crows.... My good friend Anthony did a photo edit of a cuckoo clock that has to do with the plot. I wonder how he's been doing... he kind of just abandoned me."
well I don't blame him adena! you are a pretty crazy person! and I'd know! your'e talking to ME!
"yes, well maybe your'e right.... but being a bit mad is good don't you think? at least we can equate my possible insanity to 'an overly creative mind'...."
True, but still, Adena, for the record, I think you need a brain scan.... either you have a tumor, or your'e quite simply off your rocker!
"or, Donna, I just need you to SHUT UP so I can go to sleep!"
Suit yourself, but don't come crying to me if you don't finish all those Star Trek episodes before May 17th.
"FINE. well don't act surprised if I don't talk to you anymore Donna!"
(friend conveniently comes back online right at the end of that last line)
"hahaahahahahahhaahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. good timing
I just had a row with myself"

---------------------------------------------

And just because it's on the topic, here's a bunch of quotes about madness, specifically one's I can relate to or understand:

-----------------

“I am interested in madness. I believe it is the biggest thing in the human race, and the most constant. How do you take away from a man his madness without also taking away his identity?” ~William Saroyan

“Every man has his follies* - and often they are the most interesting thing he has got.” ~Josh Billings  (*lack of good sense)

*“A child born today in the United Kingdom stands a ten times greater chance of being admitted to a mental hospital than to a university ... This can be taken as an indication that we are driving our children mad more effectively than we are genuinely educating them. Perhaps it is our way of educating them that is driving them mad.” ~R. D. Laing  (*I wonder if this statistic is similar in the USA?)

*“Idiosyncratic belief systems which are shared by only a few adherents are likely to be regarded as delusional. Belief systems which may be just as irrational but which are shared by millions are called world religions.i.e. When a man suffers from delusions he is described as mad but when a million do so they belong to a world religion.” ~Anthony Storr (*I think I'd prefer to go 'mad' alone in my belief, rather than it become something like a disease that no one can get rid of...)

*“Madness is to think of too many things in succession too fast, or of one thing too exclusively” ~Voltaire (*this quote describes me best.)

“It is only too true that a lot of artists are mentally ill- it's a life which, to put it mildly, makes one an outsider. I'm all right when I completely immerse myself in work, but I'll always remain half crazy.” ~*Vincent van Gogh  (*I think this just made Vincent tied for my favorite artist. He's tied with Salvador Dali, who I feel is just as crazy as van Gogh.)

“Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.” ~Unknown

“Here's to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They're not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can't do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.” ~*Apple Inc.   (*Advertising done right.)

*“It is sometimes an appropriate response to reality to go insane.” ~Philip K. Dick  (*It's probably easier to accept that, than the broken world that surrounds us.)

“There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness.” ~*Friedrich Nietzsche  (*never knew who this quote was by... I'm really glad I know now.)

*“I have found both freedom and safety in my madness; the freedom of loneliness and the safety from being understood, for those who understand us enslave something in us.” ~Kahlil Gibran  (*there is freedom in not being understood, because as soon as someone understands your madness, they are then the one metaphorically holding the gun to your head.) ...wow that bit in bold is something I just wrote, and it kinda sounds like these quotes!...

“All living things contain a measure of madness that moves them in strange, sometimes inexplicable ways. This madness can be saving; it is part and parcel of the ability to adapt. Without it, no species would survive.” ~Yann Martel

“Was I ever crazy? Maybe. Or maybe life is… Crazy isn’t being broken or swallowing a dark secret. It’s you or me amplified. If you ever told a lie and enjoyed it. If you ever wished you could be a child forever. They were not perfect, but they were my friends.” ~Susanna Kaysen

“Maybe each human being lives in a unique world, a private world different from those inhabited and experienced by all other humans. . . If reality differs from person to person, can we speak of reality singular, or shouldn't we really be talking about plural realities? And if there are plural realities, are some more true (more real) than others? What about the world of a schizophrenic? Maybe it's as real as our world. Maybe we cannot say that we are in touch with reality and he is not, but should instead say, His reality is so different from ours that he can't explain his to us, and we can't explain ours to him. The problem, then, is that if subjective worlds are experienced too differently, there occurs a breakdown in communication ... and there is the real illness.” ~Philip K. Dick

*“When you are mad, mad like this, you don't know it. Reality is what you see. When what you see shifts, departing from anyone else's reality, it's still reality to you.” ~Marya Hornbacher  (*I wonder if I really am mad, if I think I'm mad, but don't really believe that I'm mad when I say I'm mad, because I know that when one is aware that they may be mad, it makes them not mad... and I still believe that I am in touch with reality, but maybe that's just the madness talking...)

“Crazy people are considered mad by the rest of the society only because their intelligence isn't understood.” ~Weihui Zhou

“Who but the mad would choose to keep on living? In the end, aren't we all just a little crazy?” ~Libba Bray

*“Time and I have quarrelled. All hours are midnight now. I had a clock and a watch, but I destroyed them both. I could not bear the way they mocked me.” ~Susanna Clarke  (*a blanket over my window, and I rarely check the time... that is how I pass the days. or is it hours? I can hardly tell anymore...)

*“I don't possess these thoughts I have --- they possess me. I don't possess these feelings I have --- They obsess me.” ~Ashly Lorenzana (*when someone figures out a way for me to turn my thoughts on and off like a tap, I'd like to be the first to know... I don't have a problem with all these idea's coming into my head and running around rampant, I'd just like them to slow down into a nice brisk jog, and let me sleep on them once and awhile...)

*“Men have called me mad; but the question is not settled whether madness is or is not the loftiest intelligence -- whether much that is glorious -- whether all that is profound -- does not spring from disease of thought -- from moods of mind exalted at the expense of the general intellect. They who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who only dream by night. In their gray visions they obtain glimpses of eternity, and thrill, in waking, to find that they have been upon the verge of the great secret. In snatches, they learn something of the wisdom which is of good, and more of the mere knowledge which is of evil. They penetrate, however rudderless or compassless, into the vast ocean of the ‘light ineffable’.” ~Edgar Allan Poe (*That's the difference between the effects of just dreaming while you are asleep, and when you also dream while you are fully awake.)

*“Human madness is oftentimes a cunning and most feline thing. When you think it fled, it may have but become transfigured into some still subtler form.” ~Herman Melville  (*Be wary, one may never truely be rid of madness.)

“Madness need not be all breakdown. It may also be break-through. It is potential liberation and renewal as well as enslavement and existential death.” ~R.D. Laing

'You don't seem mad at all,' she said. "But I am! Although I'm undergoing a cure, because my problem is that I lack a particular chemical. However, while I hope that the chemical gets rid of my chronic depression, I want to continue being mad, living life the way I dream it, and not the way other people want it to be." ~Paulo Coelho (excerpt from: Veronika Decides to Die)

“I have lived nearly fifty years, and I have seen life as it is. Pain, misery, hunger ... cruelty beyond belief. I have heard the singing from taverns and the moans from bundles of filth on the streets. I have been a soldier and seen my comrades fall in battle ... or die more slowly under the lash in Africa. I have held them in my arms at the final moment. These were men who saw life as it is, yet they died despairing. No glory, no gallant last words ... only their eyes filled with confusion, whimpering the question, "Why?" I do not think they asked why they were dying, but why they had lived. When life itself seems lunatic, who knows where madness lies? Perhaps to be too practical is madness. To surrender dreams — this may be madness. To seek treasure where there is only trash.*Too much sanity may be madness* — and maddest of all: to see life as it is, and not as it should be!” ~Dale Wasserman


Hope you enjoyed those quotes, and my commentary. Maybe someday I will be known for quotes such as these...

Just Me Thinking #4

Basically, I daydream a lot. And in this case it led to day dreaming up a theory that makes it so that the doctor could really seriously be real… In THIS reality. Well my theory consists of quite a few open ended ideas.

First I think that in order for him to be real, The TV program has to be just that, a program. But it’s not without importance. I think that The Doctor is flying around outer space and time, turning up here and there, visiting earth, saving planets. You know Doctor-y stuff. But He’s not how we know him to be. Maybe he is the lonely Doctor who needs companions, and help saving the universe. But he can’t just ask just ANYBODY. So he inspired some humans back in 1963 to write about this Mad Man with a machine that travels through time and space… etc… and over the years, telepathically, or maybe he just becomes friends with the writers and drops ideas on them, or he could even leave anonymous notes for them. (Who knows.) and gets them to write this show. But the point is, even though it is a fictional show, PARTS OF IT ARE TRUE. You know, key details that make it so believable, like having a TARDIS, and regeneration, etc… maybe it’s not really a police box, and maybe it doesn’t make the TARDIS noise we so love, and he won’t have the face of any of the actors… but he is REAL, and certain things about him, and his life will always be the same.

And I’m sure The Doctor has a reason for doing it this way. Maybe (most likely) the human race as a whole would have trouble accepting aliens, (and I think most of the population does struggle with that possibility) and time and space travel, but I still have hope for the human race. And I think The Doctor does too. That could be why he’s in a sense ‘warming us up’ to the truth behind the myth. To get us thinking bigger than we do now. Because sometimes when you open your mind to the IMPOSSIBLE, it enables us to see the TRUTH. Though I’m also sure that the majority of the human race will still be skeptical no matter how much proof they have, so that’s why The Doctor is discrete about it. Like using a TV program and all that… it’s an easy way to sugar coat the truth, and not raise red flags. He doesn’t need the governments of the world shutting down the BBC or Doctor Who. That would be counterproductive.

But that still brings us back to the WHY. Why is The Doctor doing this? Why is he telling us these things so secretively? Well I predict that it’s so he can find allies, and TRUE BELIEVERS of ‘The Doctor’. Not on a religious scale or anything, just people that don’t need to SEE proof to believe in him.

Because maybe to The Doctor, the difference between a ‘true believer’ and ‘just a fan’ could be something like this---

Example Situation: If someone met a ‘John Smith’…

-A normal person would think it just a common name.

-A Whovian would joke about how that’s the alias that The Doctor uses, but dismiss any possibility of truth to it because he doesn’t “look like” The Doctor, or because they don’t see a Police Public Call Box.

- A true believer would be curious, possibly ask questions, and look for more signs that point to the possibility that a ‘Time Lord’ is standing in front of them, regardless of how ‘normal’ they seem.

And so the TV program works as a type of ‘filing system’. It helps him sort the passionate fans from the optimistic dreamers. The ‘Wilfred’s’ of our kind. So basically, RUN with the hope that The Doctor could be real. Because as soon as we put a stopper on our imagination because we think it’s crazy, or because believe that the world will think us crazy… we destroy what makes us so Unique. So HUMAN. And so Wonderful!

Stream of Consciousness Personal Session April 6, 2013

So I was having a really rough day, i had alot of stuff bouncing around in my head that i couldn't focus on and didn't know what they were, and so my friend told me to close my eyes and just let my mind drift, and just let it come to me.

so, i turned off the lights and covered my eyes blasted the first song that came to mind on my headphones and put it on repeat. "Around The World/Harder Better Faster Stronger" by Daft Punk, and so it began...

i found myself running through a red carpeted hallway long long hallways with tan painted wood and i went up a spiral staircase running
then i went down a short stretch of hall burst through a door and found myself lunging off of a diving board. into a pool, specifically the pool where i learned to swim... with Uly, when he was still Ciara. when i first started loving her.
but she wasnt there
i swam up through bubbles and broke the surface gasping i'm winded and i clambor to the the pool wall. and lift myself up
(its the pool at our YMCA btw)
and then i run up the pool slide and go down.
and at the base i splash. and in the splash i see the faces of katie and luke and tyler. and then i'm in a field. at the park where i spent most of my last summer with ciara, my first love... and then i collapsed to the ground. clasping my head sobbing.
then a hand touched my shoulder
it was Katie, my gf. and Tyler and luke are standing right behind her
and then the faces of all my current close friends flash in my vision...
but then they are gone and i see the faces of all the people i loved and gave my heart in the past... all the lost loves.... all the people my heart still has small attachments to....
and then i'm standing in the snow looking up into the sky....
and i'm crying. heavy sobs almost like a cry of relief at first
but then it becomes heart wrenching cries again... and i collapse.. curled in the snow....
and then eyes shut i crawl along the ground... which becomes my bedroom floor and i'm crawling the floor and i half kneel slumped over the edge of my bed.....
and then i'm laying across someones lap...
it feels like my mom... but i don't see a face..... just a hand brushing my hair for a moment...
and then it's gone
and i'm curled on the stair case that i spent my hours on at Harbor House because it was the only empty quiet place to be...
and then oh wait... harbor house then my room with 'mom person' and and from kneeling on the floor next to my bed i kneel like i'm half standing.... knees flat and arms stretched out... and i just feel the sun that is apparently shining through my eye lids... and i realize that my past relationships and loves are holding me back in my new life with my new love .

and so then i opened my eyes, and i felt alot clearer headed. and i felt like i understood alot more of what i had been feeling recently... apparently... his method worked marvels. :)

This is REALLY spot on!!!

AN ACCURATE HOROSCOPE FOR THE WHOLE YEAR 2013!

This is the real deal. Try ignoring it, and the first thing you'll notice is having a horrible day starting tomorrow morning, and it only gets worse from there. 


ARIES - The Aggressive (March 21 to April 19)
Outgoing. Lovable. Spontaneous. Not one to mess with. Funny... Excellent kisser. EXTREMELY adorable. Loves relationships, and family is very important to an Aries. Aries are known for being generous and giving. Addictive. Loud. Always has the need to be 'Right'. Aries will argue to prove their point for hours and hours. Aries are some of the most wonderful people in the world. 16 years of bad luck if you do not share this post

TAURUS - The Tramp (April 20 to May 20) 
Aggressive. Loves being in long relationships. Likes to give a good fight. Fight for what they want. Can be annoying at times, but for the love of attention. Extremely outgoing. Loves to help people in times of need. Good kisser. Good personality. Stubborn. A caring person. They can be self-centered and if they want something they will do anything to get it. They love to sleep and can be lazy. One of a kind. Not one to mess with. Are the most attractive people on earth! 15 years of bad luck if you do not share this post.

GEMINI - The Twin (May 21 to June 20) 
Nice. Love is one of a kind. Great listeners. Very good at confusing people. Lover not a fighter, but will still knock you out. Geminis will not take any crap from anyone. Geminis like to tell people what they should do and get offended easily. They are great at losing things and are forgetful. Geminis can be very sarcastic and childish at times and are very nosy. Trustworthy. Always happy. VERY Loud. Talkative. Outgoing. VERY FORGIVING. Loves to make out. Has a beautiful smile. Generous. Strong. THE MOST IRRESISTIBLE. 9 years of bad luck if you do not share this post.

CANCER - The Beauty (June 21 to July 22) 
MOST AMAZING KISSER. Very high appeal. A Cancer's love is one of a kind... Very romantic. Most caring person you will ever meet in your life. Entirely creative person, most are artists and insane, respectfully speaking. They perfected sex and do it often. Extremely random. An ultimate freak. Extremely funny and is usually the life of the party. Most Cancers will take you under their wing and into their hearts where you will remain forever. Cancers make love with a passion beyond compare. Spontaneous. Not a fighter, but will kick your ass good if it comes down to it. Someone you should hold on to! 12 years of bad luck if you do not share this post.

LEO - The Lion (July 23 to August 22) 
Great talker. Attractive and passionate. Laid back. Usually happy but when unhappy tend to be grouchy and childish. A Leo's problem becomes everyone's problem. Most Leos are very predictable and tend to be monotonous. Knows how to have fun. Is really good at almost anything. Great kisser. Very predictable. Outgoing. Down to earth. Addictive. Attractive. Loud. Loves being in long relationships. Talkative. Not one to mess with. Rare to find. Good when found. 7 years of bad luck if you do not share this post

VIRGO - The One that Waits (August 23 to September 22) 
Dominant in relationships. Someone loves them right now. Always wants the last word. Caring. Smart. Loud. Loyal. Easy to talk to. Everything you ever wanted. Easy to please. A pushover. Loves to gamble and take chances. Needs to have the last say in everything. They think they know everything and usually do. Respectful to others but you will quickly lose their respect if you do something untrustworthy towards them and never regain respect. They do not forgive and never forget. The one and only. 7 years of bad luck if you do not share this post.

LIBRA - The Lame One (September 23 to October 22) 
Nice to everyone they meet. Their love is one of a kind. Silly, funny and sweet. Have own unique appeal. Most caring person you will ever meet! However, not the kind of person you want to mess with... you might end up crying. Libras can cause as much havoc as they can prevent. Faithful friends to the end. Can hold a grudge for years. Libras are someone you want on your side. Usually great at sports and are extreme sports fanatics. Very creative. A hopeless romantic. 9 years of bad luck if you do not share this post.

SCORPIO - The Addict (October 23 to November 21) 
EXTREMELY adorable. Loves to joke. Very good sense of humor. Will try almost anything once. Loves to be pampered. Energetic. Predictable. GREAT kisser. Always get what they want. Attractive. Loves being in long relationships. Talkative. Loves to party but at times to the extreme. Loves the smell and feel of money and is good at making it but just as good at spending it! Very protective over loved ones. HARD workers. Can be a good friend but if is disrespected by a friend, the friendship will end. Romantic. Caring. 4 years of bad
Luck if you do not share this post.

SAGITTARIUS - The Promiscuous One (November 22 to December 21)
Spontaneous. High appeal. Rare to find. Great when found. Loves being in long relationships. So much love to give. A loner most of the time. Loses patience easily and will not take crap. If in a bad mood stay FAR away. Gets offended easily and remembers the offense forever. Loves deeply but at times will not show it, feels it is a sign of weakness. Has many fears but will not show it. VERY private person. Defends loved ones with all their abilities. Can be childish often. Not one to mess with. Very pretty. Very romantic. Nice to everyone they meet. Their Love is one of a kind. Silly, fun and sweet. Have own unique appeal. Most caring person you will ever meet! Amazing in bed!!! Not the kind of person you want to mess with- you might end up crying. 4 years of bad luck if you do not share this post.

CAPRICORN - The Passionate Lover (December 22 to January 19) 
Love to bust. Nice. Sassy. Intelligent. Sexy. Grouchy at times and annoying to some. Lazy and love to take it easy, but when they find a job or something they like to do they put their all into it. Proud, understanding and sweet. Irresistible. Loves being in long relationships. Great talker. Always gets what he or she wants. Cool. Loves to win against other signs in sports, especially Gemini's. Likes to cook but would rather go out
To eat at good restaurants. Extremely fun. Loves to joke. Smart. 24 years of bad luck if you do not share this post.

AQUARIUS - Does It in the Water (January 20 to February 18)
Trustworthy. Attractive. Great kisser. One of a kind. Loves being in long-term relationships. Tries hard. Will take on any project. Proud of themselves in whatever they do. Messy and unorganized. Procrastinators. Great lovers, when they're not sleeping. Extreme thinkers. Loves their pets usually more than their family. Can be VERY irritating to others when they try to explain or tell a story. Unpredictable. Will exceed your expectations. Not a fighter, but will knock your lights out. 2 years of bad luck if you do not share this post.

PISCES - The Partner for Life (February 19 to March 20) 
Caring and kind. Smart. Likes to be the center of attention. Very organized. High appeal to opposite sex. Likes to have the last word. Good to find, but hard to keep. Passionate, wonderful lovers. Fun to be around. Too trusting at times and gets hurt easily. VERY caring. They always try to do the right thing and sometimes get the short end of the stick. They sometimes get used by others and get hurt because of their trusting. Extremely weird but in a good way. Good sense of humor!! Thoughtful. Loves to joke. Very popular. Silly, fun and sweet. Good friend to others but needs to be choosy on who they allow their friends to be. 5 years of bad luck if you do not share this post.

Creator : Prince Akhiro Sangukho
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Just Me Thinking #3

The Final Outcome
(Random observation about Life, Looking back, and Choices)

Doctor Who Quote to start:
“In the end you just get tired; tired of the struggle… eventually the only certainty left is that you will end up alone.”
“That’s a price worth paying”
“Is it?”

I wonder if people who live really long lives… In The Doctor’s case its been over 1000 years of trying and struggling to survive. Often times he is the last one left standing, he has lost so much gave so much and in the end he is still alone.

Is there such a thing as living too long? I wonder if The Doctor ever looks back at how hard he has faught, or how far he has run, and thought to himself “I am so tired, I have traveled for so long and gone so far….” And then I wonder if he wished for the running to end.

But I suppose after so long of constantly fighting for survival, if he no longer could just ‘give up’. It must be ingrained in his mind and body to FIGHT or RUN for his life. To just get out ALIVE. And I doubt someone like that could ever give up willingly.

So then how long ago would have been a good time to Quit trying? Is there a good time to just walk into hell and accept defeat? Could someone like The Doctor, even when he was younger, just accept defeat, when the itch for survival wasn’t yet a reflex reaction? Could someone like that just throw in the towel?

Because once someone survives and get out, they then want to KEEP living. And stopping the marathon run does not usually come to mind when you just passed the next mile marker. A stopping point does not seem necessary, even when this type of marathon has an unforeseen end. It’s not neatly graphed out for us to see exactly when and where the next battles will rage and the losses mount.

But then one day death is staring you in the face, and it’s the face of YOU in the mirror. You are looking at yourself, the old, aged, weary warrior standing there, waiting for their last breath to fade from their lungs.

So then, How long, is TOO long. How does anyone ever know when it’s a good time to stop until its too late, miles and years have passed you by, and the moment to fold and cash in the chips has long since gone. And there you sit, still playing your cards, but youre no longer so hot on top of your game, and you don’t have a penny to your name. your luck is running out and so are your chips. The only thing left to do is see it to the end. Keep on playing. And hope to get out easy. But the game is no longer fun, and there is not much to gain either. The pot is not very full, and the only one left playing is the dealer of fate. All the bets have been made, all the cards are on the table, and it’s too late to fold.

Of course there’s not much else you could do in that senario, you made it farther than everyone else. And isn’t that what people have always shot for, quantity, not quality? Funny isn’t it? How once you get everything you ever wanted, you find yourself missing the little things, the time you had when you had very little. But then there was little else you could do. The choices were clearly marked. Die young, when you have so much life left in you, or fight to live another day, at whatever the cost. I know what I would pick. I would pick to fight. But I guess then that’s just human nature. The fight to SURVIVE.

So then, even if  you could go back. I doubt one would act any differently. Because at that point you are not tired. You still have that drive to keep playing the game. Keep raking in the dough. You have no knowledge of just how unfortunate you could end up. There’s just no way, to ever know. The final. Outcome.

So we keep living. We keep fighting. Even when we know Death is our eventual fate. And like the insightful words of Mycroft Holmes says: All lives end. All hearts are broken. Caring is not an Advantage, Sherlock.”

We care so much. So much…
And in the end, what do we get?
The same thing as everyone else.
Death.

Just Me Thinking #2

The Most Important Leaf in the Universe
(Don’t Step On Butterflies)

What am I becoming? This machine? I thought I wanted this, this madness as people would put it. This increase of thought, the boost in creativity, the philosophical mind that processes thoughts like a person fueled by adrenaline. My mind is always buzzing with new thoughts, new ideas, theories, things to create, it’s all just waiting to be taken down and extracted out of my head.

I was happy. But then, before I knew it, I had lost control over my mind. I lost control and I caused it. I willingly let madness take me within it’s grasp. I embraced the strange and unordinary because reality and uniformity bored me, and repulsed me.  And the thrill of knowing things, thinking things, believing things, that were unordinary, or beyond common belief, gave me life. But maybe it was a doorway into another world, another place entirely. An empty world just for me to escape into. And I went there, I went often. It became a home to me. But the more I stayed in that world. That mindset… the less often I wanted to come out of it. And eventually I realized it was not a place that I COULD escape from. It was not a vacation spot like I thought. It was a prison. And more frightening than that. It was created by ME. a prison I could not escape. Because no one can hide or escape from themselves. And so now, I am my greatest enemy as well as my greatest ally. I am forever changing and growing. I know me best, so I keep to myself mostly. But being me does not necessarily mean that I understand myself. Oh no no no.

The mind, MY mind is a world of vast complex thoughts jumbled in with human nature and thousands of years of evolution. There are continents of unexplored territories in the world of my mind. Caves, and mountains, and forests that I have not even touched upon yet in my brief existence that it is as of now. And the more I travel this world inside my head, the more I hate it. Just as I hate the ‘real’ world. Because just like the ‘real’ world, my world is filled with things that are corrupt. And corruption infests this naturally beautiful world. Man in his natural form is beautiful. The complexitiesm the simplicities, their form, and mind… it echoes what we are. For we are HUMAN. But just like the name, we are also so much more than this beautiful creature that is seen. We are a weapon. The most dangerous weapon. A self detonating bomb, a mental disorder, a disease. And we will kill this beautiful world by just being how we are. There is no stop to it. It’s so true, what The Doctor said… we the human race, we always come back, we rise out of the ashes. We can never be kept down. We will spread out among the stars someday, and touch everything and everywhere. Our stink, our filth…. And our Beauty. And so, the universe will never be safe. We will rot this world just as much as we build it up.

But Humanity cannot be taken out of the equation. Not without making a ripple. We effect, support, subtract, add, and even out an infinite amout of things and realities just by existing. Remove us, and so much will change. A wave of destruction and/and or creation would follow our elimination. Nothing is safe as long as we live; though I don’t preach genocide, because nothing is safe without us either. Are we special? Maybe not… but are we IMPORTANT? Ah… there is the REAL question. One that I feel has an obvious answer. Because there must be infinite things in the universe that either depend on us or are effected by our existence. And unless things progress as they are, whatever that may mean for the human race, as well as the rest of the universe, everything could be destroyed.

Of course that total destruction may happen eventually anyway but I’m talking about removing something from the equation. Removing something BEFORE it’s time. To quote Doctor Who: “Step on a butterfly and change the universe.” So to say. Or maybe more accurately we are “The most important leaf in the universe.” Because of the infinite outcomes that could happen due to our continued or extinguished existence, I feel we must act as we naturally would. Try to preserve our kind. Because whatever needs to happen for the universe to balance, will happen, no matter how hard we try. But not trying is just as bad as forcing something to happen. And that’s what I did. I forced myself into this path, and now I pay. I pay for it every second. I thought I wanted a racing mind that is piled with things and thoughts beyond the normal capacity. But It’s infinitely as destructive as it is productive. Still it is the exact thing I would fight to preserve if our race was threatened with extinction. Because our minds, our consciousness is what we stand for. What makes us so unique. The things we create and inspire with our thoughts make us what we are. Because without our consciousness and thought, what are we? Not human, that’s for sure. Without conscious thought, we are but a lump of flesh and bone. In fact, I venture as far as to say that I would rally to preserve our mind before we try keeping our physical bodies. Because a body means next to nothing in compare to the human consciousness. Our flesh rots and dies, most times due to sickness, or age, but sometimes man also dies due to loss of our minds. Coma patients being number one, a person in a coma becomes just a shell without their active mind. And without help, very often, they can die.

So if we continue our physical existence before our mind I believe we then are no longer human. We are merely something that used to be a man. Our mind is what makes us human. Take our mind and put it into something else, and what we are, and were remains thoroughly intact. We are still everything we were, minus the body. I believe that the body does not make the man, the mind does. And with it, Humanity will survive, no matter the odds.

Just Me Thinking #1

Who am I?
(A Side Note Thought)

I want to say that how I think is a mixture of Sherlock Holmes, The Doctor, Spock, Walter Bishop, A Philosopher, Vincent Van Gogh, Shakespeare, etc… various people or characters who are know for certain traits or qualities specifically associated with their names. But now, I find this description much too inaccurate, and lazy.

Though I do exhibit some base similarities to the listed iconic figures, as well as unmentioned ones, I think the more accurate thing to say, though it is a bit cryptic or cliché is that “I am what I am.” I think putting myself into words or comparing my mind to another’s is nearly impossible, and quite frankly rude. I find that comparing myself to others instantly reduces my significance or my verbally stated one that is, by making me no more important than someone else that has already come along. As an individual I am vastly deeper in different ways from anyone  else who has ever existed. And to compare myself to another person is an insult to myself and who I am. I can be and will be so much more than a repeat of someone else, if only I allow myself the courtesy of acknowledging that I am unique.