Just Me Thinking #2

The Most Important Leaf in the Universe
(Don’t Step On Butterflies)

What am I becoming? This machine? I thought I wanted this, this madness as people would put it. This increase of thought, the boost in creativity, the philosophical mind that processes thoughts like a person fueled by adrenaline. My mind is always buzzing with new thoughts, new ideas, theories, things to create, it’s all just waiting to be taken down and extracted out of my head.

I was happy. But then, before I knew it, I had lost control over my mind. I lost control and I caused it. I willingly let madness take me within it’s grasp. I embraced the strange and unordinary because reality and uniformity bored me, and repulsed me.  And the thrill of knowing things, thinking things, believing things, that were unordinary, or beyond common belief, gave me life. But maybe it was a doorway into another world, another place entirely. An empty world just for me to escape into. And I went there, I went often. It became a home to me. But the more I stayed in that world. That mindset… the less often I wanted to come out of it. And eventually I realized it was not a place that I COULD escape from. It was not a vacation spot like I thought. It was a prison. And more frightening than that. It was created by ME. a prison I could not escape. Because no one can hide or escape from themselves. And so now, I am my greatest enemy as well as my greatest ally. I am forever changing and growing. I know me best, so I keep to myself mostly. But being me does not necessarily mean that I understand myself. Oh no no no.

The mind, MY mind is a world of vast complex thoughts jumbled in with human nature and thousands of years of evolution. There are continents of unexplored territories in the world of my mind. Caves, and mountains, and forests that I have not even touched upon yet in my brief existence that it is as of now. And the more I travel this world inside my head, the more I hate it. Just as I hate the ‘real’ world. Because just like the ‘real’ world, my world is filled with things that are corrupt. And corruption infests this naturally beautiful world. Man in his natural form is beautiful. The complexitiesm the simplicities, their form, and mind… it echoes what we are. For we are HUMAN. But just like the name, we are also so much more than this beautiful creature that is seen. We are a weapon. The most dangerous weapon. A self detonating bomb, a mental disorder, a disease. And we will kill this beautiful world by just being how we are. There is no stop to it. It’s so true, what The Doctor said… we the human race, we always come back, we rise out of the ashes. We can never be kept down. We will spread out among the stars someday, and touch everything and everywhere. Our stink, our filth…. And our Beauty. And so, the universe will never be safe. We will rot this world just as much as we build it up.

But Humanity cannot be taken out of the equation. Not without making a ripple. We effect, support, subtract, add, and even out an infinite amout of things and realities just by existing. Remove us, and so much will change. A wave of destruction and/and or creation would follow our elimination. Nothing is safe as long as we live; though I don’t preach genocide, because nothing is safe without us either. Are we special? Maybe not… but are we IMPORTANT? Ah… there is the REAL question. One that I feel has an obvious answer. Because there must be infinite things in the universe that either depend on us or are effected by our existence. And unless things progress as they are, whatever that may mean for the human race, as well as the rest of the universe, everything could be destroyed.

Of course that total destruction may happen eventually anyway but I’m talking about removing something from the equation. Removing something BEFORE it’s time. To quote Doctor Who: “Step on a butterfly and change the universe.” So to say. Or maybe more accurately we are “The most important leaf in the universe.” Because of the infinite outcomes that could happen due to our continued or extinguished existence, I feel we must act as we naturally would. Try to preserve our kind. Because whatever needs to happen for the universe to balance, will happen, no matter how hard we try. But not trying is just as bad as forcing something to happen. And that’s what I did. I forced myself into this path, and now I pay. I pay for it every second. I thought I wanted a racing mind that is piled with things and thoughts beyond the normal capacity. But It’s infinitely as destructive as it is productive. Still it is the exact thing I would fight to preserve if our race was threatened with extinction. Because our minds, our consciousness is what we stand for. What makes us so unique. The things we create and inspire with our thoughts make us what we are. Because without our consciousness and thought, what are we? Not human, that’s for sure. Without conscious thought, we are but a lump of flesh and bone. In fact, I venture as far as to say that I would rally to preserve our mind before we try keeping our physical bodies. Because a body means next to nothing in compare to the human consciousness. Our flesh rots and dies, most times due to sickness, or age, but sometimes man also dies due to loss of our minds. Coma patients being number one, a person in a coma becomes just a shell without their active mind. And without help, very often, they can die.

So if we continue our physical existence before our mind I believe we then are no longer human. We are merely something that used to be a man. Our mind is what makes us human. Take our mind and put it into something else, and what we are, and were remains thoroughly intact. We are still everything we were, minus the body. I believe that the body does not make the man, the mind does. And with it, Humanity will survive, no matter the odds.