So I was having a really rough day, i had alot of stuff bouncing around in my head that i couldn't focus on and didn't know what they were, and so my friend told me to close my eyes and just let my mind drift, and just let it come to me.
so, i turned off the lights and covered my eyes blasted the first song that came to mind on my headphones and put it on repeat. "Around The World/Harder Better Faster Stronger" by Daft Punk, and so it began...
i found myself running through a red carpeted hallway long long hallways with tan painted wood and i went up a spiral staircase running
then i went down a short stretch of hall burst through a door and found myself lunging off of a diving board. into a pool, specifically the pool where i learned to swim... with Uly, when he was still Ciara. when i first started loving her.
but she wasnt there
i swam up through bubbles and broke the surface gasping i'm winded and i clambor to the the pool wall. and lift myself up
(its the pool at our YMCA btw)
and then i run up the pool slide and go down.
and at the base i splash. and in the splash i see the faces of katie and luke and tyler. and then i'm in a field. at the park where i spent most of my last summer with ciara, my first love... and then i collapsed to the ground. clasping my head sobbing.
then a hand touched my shoulder
it was Katie, my gf. and Tyler and luke are standing right behind her
and then the faces of all my current close friends flash in my vision...
but then they are gone and i see the faces of all the people i loved and gave my heart in the past... all the lost loves.... all the people my heart still has small attachments to....
and then i'm standing in the snow looking up into the sky....
and i'm crying. heavy sobs almost like a cry of relief at first
but then it becomes heart wrenching cries again... and i collapse.. curled in the snow....
and then eyes shut i crawl along the ground... which becomes my bedroom floor and i'm crawling the floor and i half kneel slumped over the edge of my bed.....
and then i'm laying across someones lap...
it feels like my mom... but i don't see a face..... just a hand brushing my hair for a moment...
and then it's gone
and i'm curled on the stair case that i spent my hours on at Harbor House because it was the only empty quiet place to be...
and then oh wait... harbor house then my room with 'mom person' and and from kneeling on the floor next to my bed i kneel like i'm half standing.... knees flat and arms stretched out... and i just feel the sun that is apparently shining through my eye lids... and i realize that my past relationships and loves are holding me back in my new life with my new love .
and so then i opened my eyes, and i felt alot clearer headed. and i felt like i understood alot more of what i had been feeling recently... apparently... his method worked marvels. :)
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